Another Setback or a more forward

Here we go again 

Yesterday I had my blood tests ahead of chemotherapy treatment Friday..................... or that's what I thought, after the tests I had my consultation with my care team at Velindre hospital who told me that due to the continued complications I am experiencing with chemotherapy (mainly that I've had 2 near death experiences with it) they have again now decided to once again call a halt to the treatment, so no chemotherapy for me Friday. 

What now?

I already had my CT & MRI scans booked for the end of August, the team now have brought them forward to the 17th August 8.45am they want to see what the 5 days of intense radiotherapy and the 2 bouts of chemotherapy has done to the Tumours, these scans take place just 2days before Deb and I 29th Wedding anniversary. My they say in sickness and in health what this lady has had to see me go through these past few months would put a strain on any marriage but not ours. We go from strength to strength. 


The plan is to see if the tumours have shrunk enough for the operation to take place immediately however as my team only meet Tuesdays we will have to wait until the 24th to get the results of the scans. Another week of waiting and wondering.

How am I feeling?

My emotions are upside down and inside out I feel disappointed yet pleased, I feel annoyed yet relieved, disappointed and annoyed because it's a set back another my family and I have to adhear to. Pleased and relieved because I hate the effects of chemotherapy & what it does to my family. I have not contemplated the idea of my bowel being removed this early, my head is not in this place .... a stoma..... a bag..... for LIFE..... how do you even get your head round that? I really don't know but I'm going to have to and soon start to understand how this impacts my life. I know people say oh it's OK stoma are fine you can swim run do all things you want to. We'll as kind as these messages of support are it don't stop me thinking about the quality of my life after the operation. Well I'm certainly going to enjoy our anniversary let's pray we get through this so we can celebrate 30 years of marriage. 

We were young once. XxX 

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