The signs were there

October 2021

London Marathon training in full swing and whilst going to the toilet one day I noticed some blood on the loo paper, not loads but enough to make me think. I spent the next few days wondering what it was I was seeing. The day came for the marathon and I ran it in full knowledge of what was going on below. I came home to a hero's welcome from my family friends and my chosen charity Shelter Cymru. 

The thought of going to the Dr was far from my mind, work was picking up and staff were dropping with covid-19 on a weekly basis. My daughter Kirsty turned 35 this month and I turned 52 so we celebrated both. We were fast approaching November by this time I started to get some real back pains but I just carried on working and trying to run. 

November 2021

By the time November came I was finding it incredibly difficult to run, the pain in my back had grown more severe and I had become more tired. The blood in my poo by now was more frequent but going to the toilet was not a problem. I did start by now wondering if I should go to the Dr but I put it off. On a visit to a pub one evening with my friend Graham he noticed I was going to the toilet a few to many times and he even told my wife to get me to a Dr, all in vain ofcourse because I was getting ready for my 1st big Christmas in work after restrictions were lifted somewhat. We was also planning Antons 10th Birthday in December. As the month came to a close I was no not running at all with my group Roath Park Runners and was taking up a more motivational role which I equally enjoyed. 

DECEMBER 2021

With the end of the year insight I was looking forward to seeing the back of 2021. Work was getting more busy and it was welcome after the previous few months. I tried to do some short runs but just couldn't find the energy or fitness to do it. I tried the walk but again was unable even to do this. Anton became a 10 year old and like us all was looking forward to seeing his little brother next month, Christmas came and went but we had a lovely time together. 

By now I knew something really was not right with my body, going to the toilet to poo was getting harder to achieve and the pain was really hurting but still I didn't go to the Dr, the blood was more frequent than ever and was giving me real concerns. I started to think it may be piles I was having as I was passing small nuggets of poo rather than going normally. The blood I thought was just part and parcel of piles. As new years eve came we were allowed to go to the pub table service only and music wasn't permitted we spent it with Tony and Annamarie we spoke about booking a holiday to The Gambia for the 4 of us. Well that was the end of 2021 what was 2022 going to bring? 

January 2022

The turn of a new year but the symptoms were still there I still thought of calling the Dr but never got round to it, thoughts of going to The Gambia became a reality as we booked it to fly with Tony and Annamarie in March. I was really excited to be going on a plane I just started to wonder if the issues I had were going to get worse, I thought if I saw a Dr they may find something that would prevent us from going and we so deserved this break. So I did nothing put my head down with work and carried on.  I was though seriously wondering if these piles would disappear on their own but I refrained myself from looking on Google. Finally we had so much to look forward to in 2022 we had a few trips booked The Gambia in March the canal trip in May and our twice postponed trip to Sri Lanka in August. Our new grandson Emyr Michael finally arrived on the 20th we were all concerned as his weight wasn't where we would have wanted. But mother and baby were thankfully fine. We were so excited to have them home. He's such a pretty boy. 2022 started so well we had increased our family by 1 and Amy couldn't be happier. 

February 2022

Debs birthday this month and my thoughts turned on what to get her, I also started to struggle with work the pain in my back made it difficult to walk the aisles on a more constant basis, putting stock out was causing me issues... picking for deliveries was also proving to be challenging..... I was by now also going to the toilets way to much in work and saw blood in the water on every occasion, I know my body was telling me time to get help but again I ignored this signs, instead I kept myself busy in work and with our running group we had seen numbers increase in recent weeks and although by now running wasn't on the cards I wanted to show I was still there for our group. Deb had a lovely birthday and we became wrapped up in holiday planning for next month. I knew this might be my last holiday for a while and this is what halted myself going to the GP. We saw Emyr growing in his 1st full month and Anton had quickly become the perfect older brother.  

March 2022

First week of the new month and we went to The Gambia with Tony and Annamarie had an amazing holiday we had such a laugh ate like Kings and was shown around by a wonderful guide. The Gambia is an excellent place to visit thank you Tony and Annamarie for taking us. When we arrived home the pain had reached such a point I was unable to concentrate on anything my work my running worse my family. I knew I had to see a Dr the 17th St Patrick's Day came I was in work and I called my eldest daughter Kirsty to ask her to get me a Dr's appointment I couldn't stand this pain any longer enough was enough the blood was more red than normal but the pain in my back was hurting so bad. At 12.35 Dr Morris called me in work we spoke about blood in my poo the fact I believe it to be piles, he agreed to see me that evening at 5pm. I spoke with my boss told him I was going and I'm sure there's nothing to worry about, as I arrived at the surgery I realised I had to come clean my embarrassment had to dissappear I had to tell all and with the door opening for me to walk in that's exactly what I did, I told Dr Morris everything he then examined me internally, we sat then to discuss what he found, he asked me for my thoughts on what's been going on I said is it piles Dr Morris said with some certainty NO, there is a lump I'm not happy about and I'm sending you for further investigation at the Heath hospital. I asked then was it Cancer he said that's what they will look for. 

APRIL 2022

11h of April arrived day of my endoscopy Deb dropped me off at the hospital I went in. 

Spoke with the nurse I said when do I get the results of this he said today as soon as its done, we'll I wasn't expecting that. I was given a gown a pair of shorts got changed and went into the room laid on the table was spoken to the Dr who was doing the procedure he told me he was also the surgeon. After around 30/40 mins I was told I was going into recovery where after a wile the Dr accompanied by a nurse entered the bed area pulling the curtain behind them. The Dr began by explaining he deals with this every day and he knows what he has seen Paul he said you have two very large tumours in your bowel I'm sure he said loads more but not another word can I recall, the nurse then asked if I knew what was being said? I replied yes I got 2 tumours....... the nurse looked at me! It's then it hit my brain and my mouth at the same time is this cancer? I blurted out! Yes said the Dr you do have cancer we now need to do some tests to see what stage it's at, we have taken biopsies but he said im 99.9% sure its cancer he went to saying I needed a CAT scan, when i worriedly asked?Now he replied I'm booking it now! Off he went. My heart sank omg I have cancer I actually have cancer how do I tell Deb friends family and those that matter? Omg I have cancer the tears came almost straight away and they wouldn't bloody stop. Deb arrived with Anton a nurse took him aside while I sat Deb down and told her what had happened, we both cried some more. Then time for my scan came I went into the room placed on the machine and then went home. Deb and me wondering how to tell the children. Kirsty was away and it didn't seem right to spoil her trip so we decided to wait until she was home before we said anything. 

I did inform my work who have been brilliant they took any job insecurity or financial concerns away from me, my Divisional director and HR have been absolutely amazing. My regional manager has been in almost weekly contact which has been lovely i have even managed to meet him for a coffee, I am so pleased i work for such a caring company. I did inform them i may be out of work for around a year this didnt concern them I was just told to concentrate on beating this and to take care of my family. 

I also called my two sisters Alison and Kerry back in Stevenage who had been both worried sick by this point, i told them their little brother had Cancer wasn't the easiest call id ever made, to be fair to them both they have been in daily contact ever since.

Deb and Me sat for hours not knowing what to do we were all alone except for the Big C that had now loomed over us both. I was booked in for a MRI scan on the 21st .

Kirsty and Tanith came home on the 13th Deb and I decided we would tell Kirsty & Amy together so we asked Tanith to pick Amy up on their way home. Which thankfully she did. That short journey from Amy's house to ours must have seemed the longest journey ever wondering why they had been summoned to our house, when they arrived Tanith went upstairs and I took my girls into the room and explained as best I could that I have Cancer. The emotions went into free fall and we hugged eachother tightly when my girls hugged me I didn't want that hug to end. After dropping this on them it was evident our lives were going to change. Day of the MRI came and went we had to wait until the 27th where we got the full results seemed to take ages. I spoke to Nic Marianne and Gareth from our group to inform them of my situation and this explained why my running has had to stop. Nic has been a great support not only to me but to our group with Gareth and Marianne they have all stepped up taking the reigns and keeping the group going and even growing it. I'm so proud of them. We decided we would let the wider group know after I had all the information from the meeting on the 27th.

27th April 9.20am Deb and me were sat in the smallest of office's then the door opened the Dr who did the original endoscopy walked in accompanied by a nurse from Macmillan. He began Paul remember me I did the endoscopy a few weeks ago well I called it then and I was right to you have cancer there are 2 large tumours and a lump in your lung we are concerned about. We need a full colonoscopy to be done soon and you will be treated at Velindre hospital the aim here is to reduce the tumours with chemotherapy and radiotherapy then to have an operation that will fully remove your bowel and leave you with a stoma bag for the rest of your life. Deb saw my face drop and intervened so for clarification the whole bowel will be gone you will sow up his back passage is that right? Totally the Dr said. Well it was like the biggest punch to my stomach I'd ever received knocked me sideways, a bag, what, how, my head was now in complete spin. We still didn't know what stage the cancer was at but to be honest I now wanted to go home. Deb started to explain about the holidays we had booked He's going no where the Dr said. That's ended Sri Lanka once and for all. We now had to wait until the 4th May for a meeting with what will now be known as my cancer care team.

MAY 2022

Wednesday 4th May arrived we went to The Velindre hospital I had a picc line put in on my right arm. We met Prof Adams who explained what was going to happen it was also the time we were told my cancer was Stage 3, I'm to have 12 treatments of chemotherapy followed by 5 of radiotherapy with a view it reduces the tumours small enough for the operation to take place. The next day I had my colonoscopy that was intense to say the least. They found two more lumps removed one of them.

Now we had to wait for a letter to say when treatment started. The canal trip date came but I couldn't go I was too weak to do it. The letter finally arrived chemotherapy treatment will start 18th May 9am at Velindre this is to be my 1st chemotherapy treatment the fight against cancer starts then. The days passed by eachone seemed like weeks and the weeks seemed like months. 

My sisters had sent me a Teddy we call blisters to help me with my treatment he had to come with me. He was made up of their own shirts such a thoughtful idea and very welcomed. 

So the 18th arrived and off to Velindre hospital I went driven by my eldest Daughter Kirsty I said my goodbyes and me and blisters made our way onto the ward we were met by a wonderful team of nurses who made me quickly feel at ease was shown to my chair and with the treatment fully explained it was time to start pumping the poison into my body. It was at this time I noted this cancer was not just mine it was also consuming my wife daughters, sisters, family and friends the guilt that came over me was intense, I had by getting cancer put a huge strain on the lives of the ones I hold so very dear this to me didn't sit right but what could I do? After a few hours my time was done I was sent home attached to a bag that would be dispensing small amounts of chemotherapy over the next 48hrs.

I went outside to be met by my wife and daughter both cheering me as this was day 1 of kicking Cancer's Butt because it's got a hold of mine. We arrived home and almost as soon as I was in the house I felt sick I took an anti sickness tablet which I felt got caught in my throat gasping for air and being sick was awful I was taken to bed by Deb and between the night both her and Kirsty would check on me. Later that evening I had a massive pain in my chest believing it to be indigestion I took more medication and went to sleep . By the mid morning of the 20th the pain became so severe in my chest Kirsty called Velindre who in turn told her to dial 999 immediately. The next few hours I recall a Dr doing several ECG's on me in my living then I remember being taken to A&E by ambulance. I was quickly assessed and was later admitted to the cardio ward. The next morning i was woken to be taken to a CT scan whilst I was being pushed in the wheelchair by the porter a nurse asked if i was ok i said no my chest pain has come back and its hurting the next thing that happened happened all so quickly i was turned around placed on the bed and put on a defibrillator all i could see was drs and nursing staff doing whatever they needed to do to stop me from having a heart attack, at one point laying there i could hear the defibrillator talking analysing patient! stand clear! I was praying it didn't shock me and it didn't. After a while I started to feel better even managed to eat 2 ice-creams a nurse got me. By this time Deb was at my side it was wonderful to see her face again. For the 1st time in this journey I thought I was going to die. But our wonderful boys and girls of our NHS thankfully had other ideas, a dr came to see us later in the day to explain what had happened the chemotherapy had caused my heart to suffer from spasms  nearly given me a heart attack. My heart values were checked and showed 100% clear. I had the Ct scan eventually this showed blood clots on my lung so now I was having daily blood thinner injections administered by Deb or Kirsty. The 23rd my daughter Amy's 30th birthday and I couldn't get there again facetime played its part. I came home on the evening of the 23rd but was so shattered I went to bed. We now had to wait for another letter from Velindre to see what happens next. Friday 27th came and my picc line was cleaned by the district nurse these people are truly amazing individuals. This day my sister Kerry arrived with Ruby to spend some time with us. It was great to see them both and we went out a couple of times even to Barry Island with the girls, Anton and Emyr.  

JUNE 2022

1st of June I went for a meeting with Prof Adams who explained what happened basically the part I took home was the issue so I can no longer have this part of chemotherapy, i wasn't overly concerned as I had really disliked this bit of the treatment. Carrying that bag was a constant reminder I had Cancer. It was agreed the chemotherapy was to be paused. Instead we were pushing ahead with radiotherapy this would be 5 days not 1 a week for 5 weeks as previously discussed. This would start on the 16th for 5 days not including the weekend. I asked if the picc line could be removed as its not needed this was agreed and was removed on the 15th. I have just had my 3rd radiotherapy side effects are I sleep a lot. So far nothing else. I'm thankful my wife and daughter manage my pain relief as well as they do. Tomorrow I have a call with Velindre before going for my 4th radiotherapy session. I have to go see Prof Adams on 6th July have bloods then if all OK we restart chemotherapy on the 8th. 

I miss my running Friends certainly missing my group Roath Park Runners and walkers but I will be back that's for sure. My aim now has turned into campaigning for better awareness of Bowel Cancer I am trying to get hotels to put up the symptoms poster in all toilets as according to Bowel Cancer UK research half the adult population can't name a single symptom of bowel cancer and before I got it I wouldn't have been able to either.