The Breakthrough

Since being diagnosed with Stage 3 Bowel Cancer earlier this year and the diagnosis for treatment I always found it both difficult and frightening to accept I would have to have a permanent Stoma. My family are the most important thing to me I love them and are so proud to have them in my life. I would do anything for them. This is why I sought-after the help I needed.

MAGGIES CENTRE CARDIFF 


I could not get my head around having to have a stoma let alone the possibility of having to accept TWO stomas. I took myself to get counselling these past few weeks at Maggie's center Cardiff to discuss the issues around stomas, the counsellor asked me what was it I did not like about stomas I explained I have a weak stomach and I find them disgusting and I'd always find them disgusting. I can't clean and look after them. She went on to ask what my day looks like and what I do, I told her I get up early every day get washed and dressed keep busy I explained I do this so I don't fall into depression as I believe this could kill me quicker than the cancer. 

My counsellor asked me if id ever suffered from depression? I had when I was in my late 20s early 30s she asked how did I come through the other side? I explained it was my girls they needed me to get through this, it took 3 or 4 months but I got through it. She smiled saying Paul here's our unlock, "your family need you now" adding that I believe the stomas would be disgusting 24hrs a day 7 days a week, well that's not true she said they would only be disgusting to me when I need to treat them there's enough hours in the day when I wouldn't be thinking of them. She also said that our minds and bodies over time adapt and heal because if they didn't she said I'd still be suffering from depression 20 years on. But I'm not I got through it.

This was a real game changer to me my eyes really opened ofcourse she was right I wouldn't think of them 24/7 maybe only 2 or 3 times a day if that.  The rest of the time I could actually be getting on with the rest of my life. 

I can not thank the team at Maggie's Cardiff enough for all the support they have given me these past few weeks. If it wasn't for them and in particular my counsellor I really don't know where I'd be. 



As previously mentioned in my blogs I actually considered not having the operation. 

This month I went to the Hospital for a PET scan my surgeon wanted to see if there was enough space between my tumours and my prostrate to operate successfully leaving me with one stoma. 

The PET scan was done and Deb & I went to the appointment to see the surgeon to get the results and to ask my questions. We was informed that the tumours had shrunk enough for the surgery to take place however the PET scan has revealed a shadow on my prostrate that is of a real cause for concern. I have some options If the shadow is unrelated to my cancer I will only have one stoma. if its prostrate cancer they may leave it there and treat it separately then after my operation I will be treated for prostrate cancer and if the shadow is caused by my bowel cancer they will remove it all.  I asked the surgeon if I refused the surgery altogether what would happen? He told me it would be a horrible way to leave this earth, the cancer would grow then spread to my vital organs and it would be a painful experience to suffer, he highly recommend I take the surgery. 

A day later I was called by my nurse who informed me that it's been decided that the safest way to go forward is to remove my Bowel, Bladder and my prostrate all at the same time thus leaving me with TWO Stomas. I also went to speak to my friend Marianne who walked me through my stoma pack as a nurse she knew about these I explained I had an issue with the bags themselves mainly in that I couldn't see myself emptying and cleaning the bags Marianne opened the packs (something I'd been unable to do) looked at the bags and said use these ones and showed me a throw away version of stoma bag. Oh my what another game changer this was. I pop on the bag and when it's full I seal it then chuck it. 

I am now fully focused on getting fit for surgery. I will hopefully be joining my running group Roath Park Runners to help me get fit. 

With my operation pending in December I have a week of appointments at the hospital for pre operation purposes. 

But I'm no longer frightened of having stomas I know I can now live a life with them something I couldn't contemplate just a few days ago. 

Help really is out there you just have to find it and it's not difficult. Sometimes you need to take time for yourself to talk it through and allow yourself to come to the right decisions. I am so incredibly grateful for the help I've had, I know I'm in for a rough time yet but I am ready. I am not afraid!!!!

🎅My family & I will actually be getting the best Christmas present this year and that's me being Cancer Free!!🎄


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